With Love, Catie

This post has everything! Almond Milk! Panic attacks! Meghan Markle's fake show and real last name! If you're also gently spiraling with snacks and streaming content, pull up a chair!

I haven’t written in a few weeks because there’s been a lot of upheaval with travel and getting re-acclimated to altitude and the apartment that I lived in for less time than I was in Florida and as a result I haven’t really known what to say about anything / everything.

The complete destruction of my routine means that my ADD is OOFC and it’s been pretty dark upstairs. I don’t know that anyone wants to hear about that but here we are — so welcome to a new category of DTL:

Anyway, I haven’t written because the question that I ask myself every single week is:

WILL ANYONE CARE?

And my immediate internal answer is:

“I don’t even want to know about the inner workings of my ridiculous brain, so why would anyone else?”

But then I asked myself who I’m doing this for and… well, let’s stick a pin in that.

So in not writing, and trying to avoid the guilt of not writing, and also stave off the boredom of being back in my apartment in Boulder — without my family around all the time (for better / worse) and social things to do six nights a week (also for better / worse) — I have watched a lot of TV.

(please call me, I want to hang out)

Since March 21, I have watched:

• Landman (better if you fast forward through all the scenes with women that just reinforce Tyler Sheridan’s midlife crisis / Ali Larter is still hot af)

• The Agency (love Jeffrey Wright / a CIA thriller with multiple plot lines!)

• Paradise (A little forced, but interesting! James Mardsen, also still hot!)

• Shrinking (The writing is the kind of irreverent quippy that all my conversations with friends are, in my head. But why the divorce-rock hits of 2011 soundtrack? Could have done with a similar reduction in songs by The National as jailbait blonde scenes in Landman)

• With Love, Meghan (don’t act like you saw that coming)

Yes, I know I am late to the over-produced garden party — and yes, I know that everyone is bashing this show, but that’s not why we’re here.

Ever since I got back from Colorado, I’ve felt a little… off.
It took me almost a week to realize that the reason I wasn’t sleeping was because there’s no damn oxygen here — and this came as a shock because after 20 years, I don’t even think of 5430’ as “being at altitude,” this is just a comfortable baseline.

It’s &%$ing altitude, ok?

Sidebar:
I had a conversation with THN™ about his nutrition for the Boston Marathon and realized I’ve never done an endurance event at sea level.
I have no idea what that would even feel like.
Would I need 600mg of sodium in my high-carb drink mix?

WHO CAN KNOW?!

Back to Mrs. Sussex-neé-Markle. 👑

My issue isn’t that in trying to be air quote relatable, she’s rendered herself irrelevant...Or that the chosen soundtrack for her making a kimchi dip with Troy Choi was (prepare yourself) this:

It’s not even that she says things like:

“Hiking isn’t about getting exercise as much as it is about gaining perspective.”
“It’s just the little things that make me the happiest, you know?”

— which aren’t completely insufferable except that she says them with this false air of call me crazy I don’t even know why I’m like this aren’t I so weird bask in my authenticity that reminds me of every bro who took mushrooms at 35 and realized shit women have known since they were 16 like: holy shit dude perspective IS reality 🤯…and decided to order podcasting equipment from the ice bath that very moment because, like, people need to KNOW!

So again, I ask myself:

WILL ANYONE CARE?

And to dig a little deeper (looking at you, Netflix execs):
Who is this for?

I’m most insecure that no one gives a shit about what I have to say.
Like some random person out there will go:

“Who the fuck does she think she is writing this like anyone gives a shit?”

I’m having a mega Inception moment in real time — but, you feel me.
Please say that you feel me.

I want this to be at least entertaining if not entirely helpful, and I really want anyone who might be going through something similar to feel like they aren’t alone in that experience.

We’ve all heard the trope that the more we talk about our experiences the more we give other people permission to do the same.

We’ve normalized normalizing things! Yay Instagram!

But we’ve also been in the game long enough to know that while perception might be reality, social media isn’t. Which is why we watch true lives / true crime / Real Housewives and listen to podcasts.

Because we want to get all up in other people’s business.

We want perspective not just on their lives, but in contrast to our own.

We are inherently competitive creatures, and again — for better or worse — we measure ourselves against each other to know where the goal posts are and how far ahead or behind we are.

Comparison is the thief of joy and all that, but… maybe not if you’re winning?!

So I start watching WL,M and it’s… fine? I don’t fine it offensive. I think it’s expected that she has a matching set of Le Creuset cookware and a Vitamix. Oprah went to her wedding. “The Crown” probably bought her her entire registry.

None of it threw me.

Her clothes are Zara (Mindy Kaling’s reaction to this was epic) / Loro Piana / Jenni Kayne. She has an immaculate jewelry collection — the obvious Rich People Checklist™ stuff from Cartier and Van Cleef that may as well be gifts with purchase of your matted out G-Wagon, but mixed with cool independent designer things like her Logan Hollowell Leo constellation ring (MM’s birthday is Aug 4th, yes I checked and FWIW the Leo ring is $1995 but the Sag ring is $2750 because each of the stars is a DIAMOND, so mine would be way more, which is… gratifying and also annoying because we all know Sagittarians don’t save money.)

And some absolutely impeccable pinky rings. Her accessories game is legit.

In fact, all the styling is gorgeous — if obviously staged — and I think that’s what bothered me most.

The obviousness.

Even when she tries to be air quote real, it feels like part of the staging.

She invites someone from the crew to try something or offers them coffee.
Was that planned?

You know Mindy Kaling wasn’t sitting there dying to know what fast food MM ate as a kid, these questions feel like coach pitch softball. Come on.

But then we get a the-stars-they're-just-like-us moment when it organically (no pun intended — but this is supposed to be funny so fuck it, pun intended) comes out that Meghan gasp ate at Jack in the Box!

The masses! They shall revel in her humanity!

So back to my pin:

Who is this for?

It’s not for “people who like Martha Stewart” — because they’ve moved past manufactured perfection and lost interest only to reengage when Martha 8-Miled herself to comedic acclaim at the roast of Justin Bieber, and the success of 2.0 has been built on her ability to be in on the joke.

Also — wow shitty timing to launch this right after the Martha doc where we got EVEN MORE Martha-as-accomplice-in-the-de-Marthafication-of-Martha, which makes Meg’s show look even more tone deaf to what the people actually want.

It’s not even for “people who like Meghan Markle” — because we’re not getting the real Meghan “you know my last name is Sussex now, right?” Markle.

It’s downright insulting that she never refers to Harry as Harry, but as “my husband” like we don’t know who she’s married to?!?!

Give the viewer some credit!
No one’s tuning in like:

“Oh, the girl who wrote that blog The Tig ten years ago has a new show — I so miss her recipes.”

COME ON.

(Though, to be fair, holy shit her calligraphy is stunning and yes I have ordered pens and bought this online course. I shall report back.)

Meg, we are here FOR YOU.

If we loved you because you were the next people’s princess or just because we liked you on Suits — we are here FOR YOU.

If we hated what you went through with the press and stuck by you even when you acted like “you had no idea” about the royal / press relationship or lol that you “didn’t even know who he was” — we let it slide, because you were telling a great story! We are here for it!

And maybe that’s what’s off about the whole thing — that she doesn’t know who she’s doing it for. She’s clearly trying to not offend anyone (they’re going to be offended — Le Creuset-gate has already happened), but oh my god that’s what’s so offensive!

OFFEND US BY VIRTUE OF JUST BEING YOURSELF!

Some people won’t like it! Some people will! Cue Dr Seuss quote:

“The people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter won’t mind!”
We can meme it!

But dear GOD, woman!

Have a perspective other than “it’s so easy! It’s so joyful!” because with each episode I wanted to be like:

“MEGHAN, BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP!”

Please, for the love of all that is holy and especially for the second season that has already been green lit, give us YOU!

Drop an f bomb that has to be bleeped out! Let it be more of a mess. Don’t mise the thing to death because no one believes your fridge is arranged that way unless you’re Kris Jenner and why the hell are you re-wrapping all your proteins in brown paper and twine like that shit didn’t come from Whole Foods?

Babe, let us in! Do it for YOU!!!

Aw shucks I dropped a blueberry on the floor I’m such a klutz isn’t that relatable?

Piper, NOOOOOO!

All that said — the one thing that she says (and says, and says) is that nothing she is doing is that difficult, and it’s just making a little extra effort to make things nice that shows people you care.

In the first episode when her friend / MUA comes to visit, she makes truffle popcorn to put as a little snack in his room, and then just dumps peanut butter pretzels from the TJ into a bag because:

“we already went to a lot of trouble with the popcorn”

lol but real because fuck it! I did one hard thing and I have two kids and an old dog and a nameless husband and I can’t be bothered!

GIRL, SAME.

And as I’ve navigated a lonely and kinda weird time where my routine is upended and I don’t leave the house much, and my first leads for jobs in NYC haven’t turned into anything (yet), this is exactly what I need to watch (mindless, inoffensive tv) and remind myself:

• It doesn’t have to be perfect.

• I don’t have to get it right on the first try.

• I don’t have to change my whole life in one go because that’s incredibly disorienting (and apparently triggers panic attacks).

What I do need to do is:

• find joy (barf) in my routine

• make the effort to spend time with my friends

• create opportunities for novel experiences

I had a bunch of reward dollars at Crate + Barrel from when I bought new furniture last fall, so I got myself a free Vitamix (less a blender, more an entire personality), and I learned how to make almond milk, which has become this weird little ritual that takes five minutes and that I really do like doing.

Maybe I should put cute little labels on the mason jar in my fridge for effect?

Kill me now.

I’m taking padel lessons! I took a field trip to The Spicy Librarian romance bookstore in Denver! I’m playing Mah Jong at the JCC with the little old Jewish ladies who haven’t seen me since I was on medical leave last year!

I’ve been hiking with friends because it’s a great way to catch up and hit my steps, and get some perspective. Natch.

Like omg when you walk up above everything you get like, this TOP DOWN view both of Boulder and your problems! Wild!

But the weather has sucked, so it’s been less of that and more of Netflix (which doesn’t have the same effect on any metric other than seeing my problems sans perspective).

But this morning it was sunny, and I met my friend Lindsay at the Sanitas trailhead and to surprise and delight her (this is giving I-once-worked-at-a-lululemon so if I triggered your Landmark Forum PTSD just then, I apologize) — I made lavender towels!

I got out of the car and was like

“I brought you presents!”

and Linds is like

“I brought YOU presents!"

• “I brought you this huge Specialized sticker and salted watermelon electrolytes and I made us lavender towels for after our hike!”

• “I got you a sourdough loaf from Moxie because, wait—you still eat bread, right?”

This is true friendship, y’all. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

Real friends are weird and random and you do things because you think it’s fun and they’re on board because they’re equally weird and random.

Meg, be weird with us.

After our gift exchange, we set off up the trail, talking (as always) about things we’re working on and stuff we’re trying to change, but much more about what we like about ourselves and each other and the things happening and people in our lives than what we don’t.

And when we got back to the cars, I pulled out my (compostable) bag of lavender towels, and offered her one, and it really was such a nice little thing — even if I didn’t sprinkle mine with edible flowers — and I wanted to absolutely punch myself in the face because damn it all, my perspective was much improved!

And if you’re still wondering who I’m writing this for, to be honest — it’s mostly me.

Because I think it’s fun to be weird and random and I like telling stories, and I really like sharing random shit that I find on Amazon when I get the shoppies, and I’m generally a mess but I think we all are and I hope I made you laugh.

With love,